and you said cock pushups were impossible
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
