So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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