Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
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