This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
