there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
