I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize