I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
