im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize