summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
