i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
