another moral hangover. fuck.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
