Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
