youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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