Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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