Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
