We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
All the doctor said was why
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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