the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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