i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
