took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
