nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
