I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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