i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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