So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
