And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize