she looked like the before picture.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
