Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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