no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he was CRYING into my vagina
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
A bitchslap is in order.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
