I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
