I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
