So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
