the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
