HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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