I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i was born a porn star she said
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I did not marry a roomba.
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