I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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