I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
