just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
