I just saw a hot homeless man
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
