She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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