Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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