I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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