..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She told me I should be a condom model.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
