Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize