I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
