ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
