he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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