some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
