hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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