This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
