it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
