I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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