I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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