dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize