Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I will pee on everything he values.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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