sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
