New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
