dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
