Nicole vs. Life
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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