Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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