I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
