the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
