Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
