I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
