i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
