So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
