If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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